Opinion Overload

A fan emailed me yesterday  with a simple  question.

Dear Sigmund, he wrote, dont you think that we might be suffering from Opinion Overload in this small, up its own anus country of ours

And I answered, quite simply, Yes I fully agree with you. We need to live more and share our opinion less.

That was Sigmund typing with a Slavic keyboard.

Nazdravi. Chill out. Stay sane.

We Don’t Need Another Hero

Or maybe we do sweetheart.

This is an email which one of my ‘campaign managers’ left on a popular on-line gossip magazine: 

Surely you are being selective in singling out one party, Mrs CG. Given the right environment, political parties have much in common with cult movements: charismatic smiling leaders, the cultivation of loyal apostles, a faithful flock, a formidable capacity for myth-making, a penchant for preaching that There Is Only One Path To Salvation and a seemingly unquenchable desire to cast out heretics.

I would advise you to refrain from cruxifying Our Beloved Leader, Mrs Caruana Galizia.

Janice Gatt
(Vice-President of the Sigmund Bonello fan club)

Sigmund On The Beach

Nevermind that within one week of being elected I’ve been associated with an obscure philosopher I had never heard of before. I googled ‘Peter Sloterdijk’ and found pictures of a rather long in the tooth Dutch man sporting a formidable moustache. Un filosofo coi baffi. And the blockheads back home get all agitated because we’re big on facial hair in The Malta Centrist Party. Don’t trust a man with a moustache, they say. Their intolerance knows no bounds. All they want is a man in a blue suit who sports a blue tie and has ‘conservative’ written all over his forehead. 

My point is that, to be transparently honest, I hadn’t heard of Sloterdijk. But I’m flattered to be in the intellectual company of such men. It’s all kudos to me.

But the Sigmund cocktail is more here-and-now. Our sources are more in-your-face. Here are the ingredients for the winning recipe:

1) A dash of Liberal Zapatero (Not too tricky - just mention the words ‘divorce’ and ‘agree’ and you’re considered a liberal revolutionary down here)

2) Generous helpings of Tony Blair New Labour (‘Call me Tony’ was a stroke of genius. Politicians who care and all that. And if they had ‘Cool Britannia’ why can’t we manufacture ‘Cooler Malta’? It sounds more groovy that Smart, right?)

3) Hints of Obama Charisma (the waving, the singing, the demonstrative rhetoric, the messages of Hope and Peace and Change and Brotherhood and Love)

4) Helpings of Sarkozy Inclusiveness (bring the enemy on board, charm him with important appointments. If Nicolas did it with Kushner, Xarabank man is easy meat).

5) Spoonfulls of Big Brother House Trasparency (Me in my T-shirt, me in my kitchen, me working out on the treadmill, me writing love letters, me buying vegetables, me walking hand in hand with Olga or Natasha or Veronika)

Take care Sloterdijks.

Lost in La Mancha

I received this email from an admirer today.

Ghaziz Sigmund,

Xtaqt naqsam mieghek dan il-hsieb ckejken.

“In the book Cervantes does something very strange and very cruel. At every turn, Cervantes mocks Quixote. At every turn, Cervantes goes out of his way to show how foolish the old man is. And the crueler he is, the more we love Quixote”. (Mill-film Lost in La Mancha)

Hawn messagg profond fiha din, O Mexxej kbir taghna!

Kompli sejjer hekk u r-rebha taghna terga’ tkun! Ahna qed nitolbu ghalik u ghall- familja tieghek!

R.Abdilla

Tghanniq u Bews

Wara gimgha shiha nghannaq, inbus, niehu b’idejn in-nies, intaptap fuq dahar Zepp u Grezz u Cetta ta’ Dumink u xeneggati ohrajn minn dawn (fosthom wirja eccezzjonali fuq ix-Xarabank ta’ Peppi tal-pipa u intervista groundbreaking ma’ Bondi tac-cingi)  kelli qisha nostalgija ghall-anonimita’ li toffri dil-belt. Qed nghid ghall-Brussell s’intendi.   

L-ewwel haga li ghamilt cempilt lil Zitka. Tiftakruha hux hekk? Tantx tghiru. Luck of the draw m’hemmx x’taghmel. U tiskanta dat-tfajliet barranin ma jisthux jghidulek xi jkunu qed ihossu. U ghandhom vizjoni kemmxejn aktar ‘multidimensional’ tal-hajja minn – nghidu ahna…ara ahjar ma nsemmi lil hadd ghax iduru ghalija f’kemm ili nghidlek il-paladini tal-buon gusto a la maltaise.   

Qaltli, “Sigmund, I will make love you tonight because you’re a cheeky little bastard and admire your ambition. But permit me to say something which may sound cruel. I watched all the Youtube clips you sent me. I couldn’t understand a word apart from ‘Sigmund Sigmund’. But fuck was it a kitschfest, darling. Now come and show your Zitka what a good boy you are.”

Nghidilkom il-verita’ hasditni imma kont imxennaq ghal naqra taqlib u m’ghidt xejn.

L-ghada gieghlitni naqra silta bil-Franciz mit-tezi li qed thejji ghall-Masters Degree en Sciences Politiques mill-Universita’ ta’ Toulouse.

“Le mot kitsch désigne l’attitude de celui qui veut plaire à tout prix et au plus grand nombre. Pour plaire, il faut confirmer ce que tout le monde veut entendre, être au service des idées reçues. Le kitsch, c’est la traduction de la bêtise des idées reçues dans le langage de la beauté et de l’émotion… Vu la nécessité impérative de plaire et de gagner ainsi l’attention du plus grand nombre, l’esthétique des mass media est inévitablement celle du kitsch, et au fur et à mesure que les mass media embrassent et infiltrent toute notre vie, le kitsch devient notre esthétique et notre morale quotidienne”.

Ajma din Zitka ukoll.

Love Generation

 

Jahasra huti Maltin u Ghawdxin

Kif intom imqabbdin ma xulxin

 

Hallikom mill-class prejudice u mill-education

Forget your hang-ups and frustration

(Daphne, Bocca please take note)

Ara dawn ukoll!

Tinkwetawx, chill out, relax

Dan hu Stagun Politiku Gdid

 

Tama, Imhabba, Risq u Gid

 

Join the Love Generation

Feel the Sigmund Vibration

Chorus:

Ghax ghandna lil Sigmund maghna

 

Ahna maghqudin

Ghax ghandna lil Sigmund maghna

Ahna maghqudin

U maghqudin

Ghax ghandna lil Sigmund magh-a-na

Ahna maghqudin

Let the sunshine in

When the moon is in the seventh house
And jupiter aligns with mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the age of aquarius
Age of aquarius
Aquarius
Aquarius

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more lies and no derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the minds true liberation
Aquarius
Aquarius

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in

Obama or Brent?

I am serene and confident.

But I must admit that Einstein’s theory of relativity has never rung more true than during this campaign.

Otherwise how would you explain that I have been compared by some to Barack Obama and by others to David Brent?  

I’m all for freedom of expression but this is going too far guys.

Check out my acceptance speeches in the coming days and you’ll see that I clearly tilt towards Barack. As I said before, he’s an inspiration to me. Brent, on the other hand, is just a loser. And I’ve just won the war.

Barack Bonello Obama. Change We Can Believe In.