Pop Philosophy for the Kinnie Generation

Divorce, Immigration, The Church, Liberal Values, Fundamentalists, Blogs, Snobbery, Opinions, Sex, Freedom, Pleasure, Pole-dancing, Fat people, Prayer Groups, Hedonism, Europe, Fools, the Middle Ages, Angels, Ira Losco, Love, Goatees, The Opus Dei, Hamalli…

There’s no doubt about it, we’re living in interesting times. 

Here at Rebbiegha Gdida we sense that Malta is about to go through one of those rare revolutions which take place at astonishing speed. Institutions and traditions which everyone believed to be engraved in stone come crumbling down in the space of a generation. Ways of life which appeared almost alien a few years ago, become the norm. These times are exciting for some, very frightening for others. Above all, whether you’re excited by the prospect or scared out of your wits by what’s coming, these are CONFUSING TIMES for most.

The best we can do is to attempt to decipher what’s going on. That’s what we propose to do at Rebbiegha Gdida. We humbly invite you to read on. If you prefer to tune into junk television, that’s your problem – we are, after all, staunchly pro-choice.

Liberal Values

Fans of this blog have been asking me what’s become of Veronique Bugeja, my not-so-loyal petite assistante.

Well folks, she’s become a staunch – and proud - upholder of the liberal ethos. She’s even cheeky enough to compare herself to those she calls ‘theoretical liberals’ who, according to her, ‘rarely get any real action, certainly very little variety’.

Anyway, to show you just how far she’s come since she left her office down at Party HQ in Marsa and set up shop next to Place Luxembourg, here’s a little anecdote. I knew her next whirlwind visit to Malta would coincide with the event they call Notte Bianca so I casually asked her whether she’d be checking it out. Her answer was:

‘No way, qalbi. Ghadek ma tafx xi dwejjaq ikun hemm. Dawk il-familji Maltin kollha… hlief nies jimbuttaw l-pushchairs u jiffangaw fl-imqaret ma tarax.”

A Pornographic Society

A close friend of mine claims that Maltese society makes up for its prudishness and sexual repression by engaging in what he terms ’social pornography’. While pornography is generally restricted to consenting performers who are paid for revealing their intimacy, ’social pornography’ operates in small, closed societies whose members know the secrets of all the other members of that society and delight in exposing them as a form of entertainment and ego-building. He summed up his theory in a four-page treatise on the subject which was introduced by the Maltese saying ‘Ma tistax tboss bih’ . His conclusion was that one could only escape the unhealthy, ultimately psychotic, strains of our society by actively disengaging from the mainstream by creating one’s own parallel reality in a protected personal bubble. It was the only way to remain sane unless, of course, one explicitly chose to become a major player in the mainstream game by appropriating the tools of domination – the media, party politics and the Church. Those who appropriated the tools became gradually more dominant but, crucially, more and more invasive and intrusive. This is how he explained the phenomenon whereby intelligent people who claimed to feel nauseous while watching certain television shows, felt obliged to watch these shows almost against their own will ’since everybody’s watching it’. People who chose to create their own personal bubble (and who consciously refused, for instance, to watch that particular TV show, refused to buy any newspapers and so on) could be said to live in Malta but were in effect, detached from their society. They disliked the system and the main players but consciously decided that fighting it would simply be a waste of time. Instead they just switched off and stopped caring. In exasperation these individuals practise a form of self-imposed exile from their society while enjoying its (mainly natural) benefits: seven months of summer and the deep blue sea.   

I intend to weave this theory into my own political revolution.  

Brentmeister General

Never heard of Brent?

A Hundred Days of Vitriol

From time to time I like to make lists of things. Like women I’ve slept with, cars I’ve owned, dreams I’ve had. That sorta thing. The exercise helps me make sense of the complicated world around me and is a smart way to come up with the catch-phrases which every decent politician throws into the ring from time to time.

Trawling through the mad, bad world of local internet forums, blogs and on-line newspapers, I’ve come up with a list of

Things Tolerant Malta Does Not Tolerate

1) Blacks

2) Muslims

3) Secularism

4) Goatees

5) Bald patches (and thinning hair)

6) Ugly buglies appearing on TV shows (don’t even get them started on the fat bastards)

7 ) Brown shoes

8 ) Bleached hair

9) Hair gel

10) Floating voters (the turds!)

11) Working class folks craftily climbing up the social ladder

12) Flawed pronounciation (Grrrrrr, I could murder the fuckers!)

13) People who can’t spell

14) Short legs

15) Squat physiques

16) David Brent lookalikes

Hanif Kureishi

I fully approve of the healthy sybiosis which exists between politicians and journalists in my island constituency. It’s not too difficult to maintain a healthy working relationship with most of them. The guys who work for the party TVs, radio station and newspapers are basically an extension of the party so we’ve largely managed to do away with the pretence of objectivity generally associated with the journalists’ job. Most other papers allow us politicians a fairly easy ride: friendly interviews and free space to share our profound views with the nation. The remaining bunch of freedom fighters are generally considered pains in the butt and brushed off as losers with chips on their shoulder.

Unfortunately I made the fatal mistake of pissing off one outspoken columnist a few years ago and I really don’t know how I’m going to shake off the bad karma. She’s now telling people that I’m basically a parvenu peasant while forcefully denying that she condones a form of reverse racism.   

So I was pleased that my French journalist friend (remember I’m a truly European gentleman) faxed me this snippet from his magazine’s interview with the writer Hanif Kureishi about immigration, capitalism, sex and his new book. It’s in French and I can’t be bothered to translate it.

Les Inrocks: Dans ce nouveau livre, le racisme d’hier semble avoir été remplacé par un racisme de classe.

Hanif Kureishi: La classe que je décris dans mon livre, c’est une nouvelle classe sociale qui vient des médias et des années 60. Ce sont aujourd’hui les gens qui ont le plus de pouvoir en Angleterre…C’est la nouvelle classe bourgeoise…Leurs idéaux ont radicalement changé. Ils me fascinent. Ils sont passionnées par les classes sociales, le pouvoir, sont au fond très snobs, pratiquent un élitisme de classe. Il y a quelque chose très XIXe siècle dans l’Angleterre d’aujord’hui.

(Les Inrockuptibles 2-8 septembre Numéro 666, Un écrivain face à l’immigration, au capitalisme et au sexe)

Book Launch

You probably recall, dear friends, that my political career kicked off in earnest with my popular radio show Igieghluk Tisthi. which some people found deeply offensive and highly divisive, but which generally went down well with my target audience. To cut a rather simple story short, it shored up my popularity and guaranteed me a wicked platform.

Five eventful years – and many moons later – I am pleased to invite you to a special event. My self-help book for budding politicians, From Super Central Radio to Big Shot Politico in Three Easy Steps, is out. Here is how my eminent mentor describes my first major work in the blurb:

“Sigmund Bonello’s refreshingly frank account of his rise and rise from partisan hack to influential political animal, is simply unputdownable. This radically honest political diary will certainly be called ’shameless’ and ‘cynical’ by the usual pack of attack-dogs. Which makes it all the more powerful. Budding politicians of this small world ignore this seminal work at their own peril.”

- Dr. Albert Santucci

You are kindly invited to the book launch and large reception in the Medina Gardens. Dress casual chic. Networking opportunities guaranteed. Book signing from 19hrs for the gents. Special “chill-out” autograph session from 23hrs for the ladies.

Ejjew bi hgrarkom. Kollox b’xejn. U l-ktieb fih hafna ritratti.

Sigmund